Robin and Chrom's Summer Fiasco
by AquaRaptor
Summary: An encounter with a pesky octopus leads to some slippery shenanigans for Robin and Chrom.


Somewhere in a distant land lived a group of noble heroes, heroes that fought evil empires, embarked on epic quests, and unraveled great mysteries. On a bright sunny day, a select few of these legendary warriors came together to commence on a thrilling venture known as…

…a vacation at the beach.

"Isn't this nice?" Robin asked, standing in the ocean. Instead of her usual getup, she was wearing a purple two-piece bikini with a straw basket slung around her waist.

"Yes, I suppose it is," said Chrom, standing beside her. Like Robin, he was swimsuit-clad, sporting a pair of teal trunks. "So what's with the trident?"

"What, this?" Robin asked, glancing at her navy-blue weapon. "For starters, it's called the Deft Harpoon. Second, I'm going to use it to catch some fish."

"To eat?"

"Of course! A little fresh seafood would go swimmingly with the picnic we packed," she grinned. "Now stand back. I'd hate to jab you by mistake."

As Robin speared away at salmon, tuna and mackerel, four other beach-goers were preparing for their own activities on shore.

"Tiki, did you remember the watermelons?" Lissa asked, laying down a blanket.

"Yes, they're right here," Tiki said, pulling two out of Anna's backpack. "I look forward to crushing these."

"Remind me again why I had to carry everything?" Anna asked, a slight scowl on her face.

"Because your backpack was of appropriate size," Tiki answered. "And because you're in need of atonement for that sham you pulled."

"I told you, that lotion was not a sham! It just had an unforeseen side effect, is all."

"It turned people blue."

"Only for a short time!"

"Hey, this is no time to be squabbling," said Lissa. "It's a vacation. We're supposed to be having fun."

"She's right," said Gaius. "Let's unpack that picnic."

Anna set her backpack on the blanket, allowing the others to retrieve their respective goods. Lissa pulled out a basket of sandwiches and rice balls, Tiki pulled out the remainder of the watermelons, and Gaius pulled out an assortment of lollipops.

"Must you bring sweets everywhere you go?" asked Tiki.

"He has candy branded on his swimwear. You do the math," said Anna. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to try out my new Metal Detecting tome. There's bound to be treasure buried around here somewhere."

Everyone stared as Anna wandered off, her tome aimed at the sand. "Some things never change, do they?" asked Lissa.

"No, not even after millennia," said Tiki.

"I'm surprised she doesn't have gold branded on _her_ swimwear," Gaius muttered.

While the trio got their picnic together, Robin dropped another fish into her basket. "That's twelve! Do you think that'll be enough for everyone?"

"Two fish per person sounds like enough for me," said Chrom. "Though, some of those fish are a bit on the small side…"

Robin nodded. "I'll catch one more just to be safe."

Robin gazed upon the water until a reddish figure swam by. In a swift motion, she plunged her harpoon beneath the surface and pulled it back up. "There! That's the last… Wait, what?"

Robin stared at her catch, not sure what she was looking at. The creature was clearly not a fish; it had no scales or fins to speak of, and it sported eight tentacles that squirmed like snakes. Its rectangular pupils fixed on Robin as it clung to the pointed ends of her spear, having narrowly avoided impalement.

"What kind of sea creature is this?" Robin asked. "It seems familiar for some reason."

"That's an octopus," said Chrom. "You've probably seen one at a seafood market somewhere."

"Seafood market? So it's good to eat then?" she asked. When Chrom nodded, she looked back at the octopus. "Well, I don't have any experience cooking such a beast, but perhaps we could-"

Before Robin could finish, the octopus sprang off the harpoon and onto her chest. "Augh! Get off me!" she exclaimed. She dropped her harpoon and tried to grab it, but couldn't get a grip on its slick body. "Chrom, do something!"

Chrom stepped forward and brought his hands around the octopus, trying to get as firm a hold as possible. He then pulled as the animal tightened its clutch. "This is one stubborn octopus!" he said.

"Pull harder! I think it's coming off!"

Chrom increased his strength while Robin struggled to free herself. They continued to pull in opposite directions until…

 **SNAP!**

In an instant, the octopus popped off her body. The amount of force sent Chrom falling backwards and the hapless creature flying inland.

"Thanks, Chrom. I appreciate the hel…"

Robin's eyes widened when she spied something. As the octopus flew through the air, something familiar- something purple- dangled from its tentacles. Blinking, Robin glanced down and realized she was looking at her bare chest.

"KYAAAAAA!"

Upon hearing her scream, Chrom immediately scrambled to his feet. "Robin! Are you alrigh-" he tried to say, only to stop short when he saw what had happened. He was about to say something else when a fish hit him in the face.

"Don't look at me, you idiot!" Robin snarled, wrapping her arm around her breasts as she reached for another fish.

"Robin, wait! Don't-"

Robin continued to pelt Chrom with fish, each one hitting harder than the last. After the seventh or eighth throw, Chrom's temper began to rise. "Enough already!" he yelled, spitting a mackerel out of his mouth.

"I…! You…!" Robin stammered through clenched teeth. She then crossed her arms over her bosom and crouched into the ocean, her face turning a deep shade of crimson. "I… I'm sorry, Chrom. Please just get me my top back."

Chrom nodded. "Don't worry. I'll be right back."

Chrom left in the direction that the octopus had flown. It didn't take him long to find the cephalopod crawling on the sand, the bikini top snared in its tentacles. Leaning forward, Chrom picked up the octopus by the head and held it to his face. "Alright buddy, you have something I need."

Using his free hand, Chrom grabbed the top and pried it from the octopus's grasp. When he did this, the octopus's tentacles flailed wildly, as if they were searching for something to grab onto.

"Not so tough now, huh? If only you had another trick up your sleeve," he grinned.

Chrom wasn't smiling when a jet of ink squirted in his eyes. With a yelp, he dropped both the top and the octopus and brought his hands to his face. "Agh! I can't see a thing!"

As Chrom tried to wipe his eyes clean, Robin stayed crouched in the water, staring in the direction he had left. _"What's taking him so long? I can't hide here forever,"_ she thought.

"Hey, Bubbles!" said a voice that made Robin flinch. She turned her head and saw Gaius standing at the shoreline. "We're gonna smash the watermelons now. Care to join us?"

Robin clutched her chest more tightly, her cheeks flushing again. "Um… Well… The thing is… Uh…"

"What's the matter, Robin? It'll be fun!" said Lissa.

"It certainly will," said Tiki. "Allow me to demonstrate…"

Tiki raised a wooden stick skyward and brought it down in a swinging motion, splitting a watermelon into pieces. The redness of the meat was only rivaled by Robin's blushing, and Tiki was quick to notice. "Are you feeling alright? You look as though you've caught a fever."

"No, no! I'm perfectly well! It's just…"

"Then why are you acting so funny?" asked Gaius. "And why are you crouching like that? You hiding something from us?"

"A couple of things…" Robin murmured. "Look, the thing is I… I…"

"Oh, I see what's going on here!" said Lissa.

"You do?!" Robin asked, her stomach lurching.

"You lost your trident!" Lissa finished.

"Oh, uh… Yes! I suppose I did!" Robin said, glancing at the harpoon right beneath her. "I just didn't want to admit I lost a valuable weapon, is all."

Lissa covered her mouth and chuckled. "Oh, don't sweat it, Robin! We'll help you find it!"

A bead of sweat rolled down Robin's face. "Erm, I don't think that'll be-"

"Yeah, let's look for it together," said Gaius. "Four sets of eyes are better than one, right?"

"Yes, the sooner we find the misplaced weapon, the sooner we can return to our merriment," said Tiki.

Before Robin could make an excuse, Lissa, Gaius, and Tiki had all set foot into the water. Worse still, they were all heading in her direction. _"What do I do, what do I do, what do I do?"_ she thought.

Her heart began to race when Gaius arrived within ten feet of her. Any second now he'd realize what she had really lost. "Now," he said, "where did you last see your-"

" **YOUUUUUUCH!"**

A voice cried out in pain, drawing everyone's attention. Even the half-naked Robin was momentarily distracted from her predicament.

"Aargh!" the voice cried again. The source of the noise was a certain blue-haired man down the beach, desperately trying to shake off the enraged mollusk biting away at his leg. "Get off of me!" Chrom yelled.

"Hold on, Blue. I'll help ya out," said Gaius. To Robin's intense relief, he turned around and set after Chrom.

"Hurry! For such a soft creature, it has quite a sharp mouth," said Chrom.

Gaius bent down and reached forward. "Alright, I'll just give this thing a pull and…"

 **PLOP!**

Chrom stumbled backwards, while Gaius fell on his rear. The octopus was no longer on Chrom's leg, but Gaius's chest, and it happily marked its new perch with a dose of ink. "Well, that's just delightful," Gaius grumbled.

"Be still, Gaius. I'll assist you," said Tiki. She hoisted her stick and aimed it at the octopus.

"Erm, Tiki? Maybe there's a better way-"

"BEGONE, TENTACLED SCOURGE!" Tiki roared as she swung her stick. With a wet thwack, the unfortunate creature was sent soaring across the beach, with Lissa watching as though it were a shooting star. Meanwhile, Anna was continuing her so far fruitless search for treasure.

"Come on, there has to be treasure here somewhere," she said. "Did someone beat me to it? Or is this tome just not working?"

Anna took no more than two steps further when her tome made a beeping noise. "Aha! Jackpot!" she exclaimed, holding her finger to her chin. She was about to start digging when something cold and slimy hit her posterior.

"EEEEK!" Anna wailed. Dropping her tome, she ran in circles and waved her arms.

"Haha! Now that's funny!" said Lissa. She continued to laugh until Anna threw the octopus into her face.

As the cephalopod continued traveling from person to person, Chrom appeared beside Robin and grunted.

"Oh!" Robin uttered, spinning around. She had been distracted by the chaos. "Did you bring my…?"

Chrom held the swimsuit in front of her face. "Yes. Yes I did."

"Thank you so much," she said, taking it from him. "Could you turn around for a second?"

Chrom did as she asked, and soon enough, Robin was decent again. "Alright, you can look now," she said. "Now that that's done with, what do you say we make a bonfire to cook the fish?"

"You mean the ones you didn't throw at me?" Chrom asked, smirking.

Robin scratched her head and giggled. "Yeah, those."

"Sounds like a plan. I'll gather some wood and-"

"Blue! Heads up!" Gaius exclaimed. A moment later, Chrom felt something wet and wriggly land upon his head. "I'm growing very tired of this…" he sighed.

Robin could only watch as Chrom frantically hobbled about, trying to catch the slippery octopus as it crawled around his body. There was then a sudden pause of activity, with Chrom bearing a look of confusion. "Where did it go? I don't feel it anymore," he said.

"Chrom, don't move," Robin ordered, retrieving her harpoon from the water.

"Do you see it?"

"Clearly," she said, looking down. The octopus was attached to Chrom's submerged hip, its tentacles drifting in the current like seaweed. Anchoring her feet in the sand, Robin aimed her harpoon and prepared to strike.

"Robin? I don't think that's a very good-"

In the blink of an eye, Robin thrusted her harpoon through the water's surface. Chrom stood stiff, half-expecting his blood to stain the ocean, but there was no gore in sight. Blinking, Robin shook her weapon and felt extra weight. "I did it!" she cheered. "I caught the octopus!"

Robin hoisted her catch into the air, but instead of being scarlet with eight appendages, it was teal with two legs. It also curiously bore the Mark of Naga.

"Wait… This is…" Robin sputtered.

"Th-those are my…" Chrom stammered.

There was a dead silence. As the tattered swimsuit flapped in the breeze, Robin and Chrom's faces turned a matching shade of rose.

" **KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!"**

Further down the beach, Cordelia and Sumia were collecting seashells from the shallows when they heard a collective shriek. They turned their heads and spied two figures in the distance.

"What's happening over there?" Sumia asked, holding her hand above her eyes.

"I don't know, but it's awfully disruptive," said Cordelia.

Sumia scratched her head and turned back to Cordelia. "So now that you've got your seashells, can we build sand castles?"

"Of course!" Cordelia said, smiling. "We can use the shells to decorate them if you'd like."

"That sounds great! Let's make one shaped like a pegasus!" Sumia said as she pranced onto dry land. Cordelia followed, and as she did, an octopus clung to her leg.


End file.
